As we were working through whether to get a divorce, I sought advice from friends. Every time a well-meaning friend told me, “You deserve to be happy,” I bristled. Where did this idea come that people deserve happiness? How do you become deserving? Doing kind things? Working hard? Are there people who don’t deserve to be happy?

Happiness seems like a superficial reason to make a choice. Yet, that is our culture’s primary focus. Does your job make you happy? Does your spouse make you happy? Are you happy with your body? So much focus on happiness leads to discontent because we assume if we aren’t happy, we must be the opposite and therefore are in a bad situation. Not only that, we look outward to find happiness, wanting others to make us happy. Perhaps we should be accountable for our own happiness.

 

According to the dictionary, “joy” and “happy” are synonyms. But Biblically, I find that joy encompasses hope. You can have joy in any circumstance because you know it’s only temporary. If you are a Christian, then you know God works all things according to His purpose. You don’t need to worry.

When I think of joy, Corrie ten Boom comes to mind. As a prisoner in the Nazi concentration camp no way was she happy.  I doubt she was happy as she watched her sister die in that awful place. But as her sister said, “There is no pit so deep that He [God] is not deeper still.” (Boom, Corrie ten. The Hiding Place. Peabody Massachusetts Hendrickson Publishers, 2009, p 240). That is joy. Despite all circumstances, knowing there is something better that will come.

When you pursue happiness, it is fleeting. Happiness as a goal is a selfish one. Ironically, when you focus outward – on bringing happiness to others – that is when you find happiness. So it’s only by being selfless do we find lasting happiness.

Instead of platitudes that speak of deserving happiness, which breeds discontent, let us instead focus on joy. Accepting the circumstances we are in, influencing them as we can, but having hope regardless. With joy you will find true happiness.